This week, former Virginia Sen. Jim Webb dropped out of the Democratic presidential primaries. Here to comment, via seance, is Demh So Dimh, the Viet Cong member Webb killed in 1969.
JD: Comrade Dimh, I understand this is the first American political debate you've seen. Any first impressions?
DSD: Sheryl Crow's rendition of your national anthem allowed me to understand the American military better than fighting them in combat did. If that is what they must listen to, no wonder they are not afraid to die.
JD: Good point. Do you think any of the candidates on stage could appeal to Viet Cong voters?
DSD: Why would they? We are not American citizens, and most of us are also dead.
JD: You could still be a major voting bloc in Chicago.
DSD: Oh, right. Well, in that case, I think Bernie Sanders has a point about corporate power, but his economics are a little too far left for my liking.
JD: Were you surprised to hear yourself mentioned in the debate? Senator Webb mentioned you when the candidates were asked who the enemies were that they were most proud of, and it caused a bit of a stir.
DSD: Really? He mentioned someone who was trying to kill him, instead of a domestic political enemy, and he's the odd one out?
JD: Yes. All the others mentioned domestic political forces.
DSD: You know I was trying to kill him, right? I wasn't blocking a bill he had proposed. I wasn't raising money to run attack ads against him. I. Was. Trying. To. Kill. Him. I threw a small bomb at him with the intention of blasting him into little bits, and-
JD: Comrade Dimh, I understand you have strong feelings, but-
DSD: I don't mean to get angry, but if he thinks I'm his enemy, promote him from lieutenant to Captain Obvious. And your political class thinks that's weird?
JD: Some of them do, yes.
DSD: This is why I will never understand your culture.
JD: Would you consider Senator Webb the enemy you're most proud of?
DSD: Actually, no. I'm more angry at the Pho Sho restaurant in Shamokin, Pennsylvania. Bastards stole my family's banh mi recipe. $&#*!
JD: Wrapping up, are there any other aspects of American culture that fascinate you?
DSD: I've been trying to get into your baseball, but I just can't bring myself to follow it that much. The last time I threw a small, round object, it didn't turn out so well.