Thursday, February 25, 2016

Obama Injures Leg Kicking Self, Expected to Recover

(Cross-posted at Ricochet)

WASHINGTON- According to White House sources, President Barack Obama is expected to recover from a contusion to his left shin, which he sustained after repeatedly kicking himself for not waiting until the recent death of Justice Antonin Scalia to nominate the first female Hispanic Supreme Court justice.  

“We expect the President to recover completely, provided he limits the amount of walking he does and applies ice to the bruised area regularly,” said chief White House Physician Dr. Nick Riviera.  “He has a follow-up appointment in two weeks, and we expect him to be fully recovered by then.”

“Actually, our psychiatric team had to do the most work,” Riviera continued.  “The President was upset at himself for wasting a perfectly good identity-politics crusade on a seat that the Republicans wouldn’t put up a fight over, since [Justice Sonia] Sotomayor was replacing another liberal and they were in the minority.  We had to remind him that he had no way of knowing that a conservative justice would die suddenly during an election year.”

Riviera added that this posed a logistical challenge, as most White House psychiatrists work full-time in the offices of the Vice President and Secretary of State, and several were on loan to the Hillary Clinton campaign.

According to an unnamed source on the executive staff, the White House has continued functioning smoothly, with the President’s injury having little impact on operations.  The source then excused herself, saying she had to urgently compile a list of federal judges and prominent law professors who are gay or lesbian.

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