A FAQ-lemore for Macklemore

(Cross-posted at Ricochet)

Noted rapper and pretentious liberal Macklemore recently released a track called “White Privilege”.  You’d think such an exquisitely politically correct subject would please the social justice crowd, but since Macklemore is a white guy, and therefore cannot do anything right, his track is problematic.  Fortunately, the kind souls at Everyday Feminism have a list of questions for “allies” such as Macklemore to ask themselves before getting their social justice on.  Below, with the help of the best illustrations MS Paint can manage, I answer them.

Is This the Best Place for Me as an Ally?

If you are reading this and are Macklemore, you are most likely in Seattle.  No, Seattle is not the best place for you as an ally.

The best place for you, Macklemore, is aboard a rocket being launched straight into the sun.

Why are People Listening to Me?

Because you haven’t fired up the engine yet, silly.  How are you going to be launched into the sun if you don’t ignite the engine?

Am I Giving Credit Where it’s Due?

Yes, you should give a short speech thanking all the engineers and technicians who made your journey to the sun possible.

Am I Focusing on My Own Feelings Over the Struggles of People of Color?

It’s only natural.  After all, once the rocket takes off, your feelings will, in the most literal sense, be over the struggles of people of color.  Several miles over the struggles of people of color, in fact, and continually getting higher over the struggles of people of color (as well as everything else occurring on the surface of the Earth).

Is My Allyship About This One-Time Opportunity or Is It An Ongoing Process?

Why not both?  You will have a one-time opportunity as the intense heat and radiation of the sun overwhelms your rocket, and then the atoms that make up you, Macklemore, will become part of the sun’s ongoing process of combining hydrogen into helium in order to heat the solar system.

But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?  It is the east, and Macklemore is the sun!