This past weekend, I had an idea that is harebrained even by my standards, and now I'm going to subject you to it. Here's why, and how, a Nicolas Cage for President boomlet should happen in 2019.
 |
| Like this, but in Iowa. |
Before you think I've gone completely off the deep end, I don't mean that Cage should actually be elected President, or even run. I mean that he should publicly toy with the idea to the extent that Nicolas Cage presidential chatter dominates the news cycle for a few days, some pollster starts asking people if they would vote for him, and one of the actual candidates rants at him online or at a rally (obviously, this would most likely be a series of enraged Trump tweets, but I wouldn't count out Joe Biden).
It would be highly entertaining. It would be the most on-brand thing possible for Nicolas Cage, for Presidential politics, and for the year 2019*.
He wouldn't have to do much to gin up media speculation- just schedule a couple trips to Iowa and New Hampshire, comment publicly about a couple political issues, do some charity work, and most importantly, have a bunch of people ask him to run on Twitter and reply coyly to them. I'm sure Gary Sinise could use a hand with his next project for veterans, and you could probably hire a consultant and a few dozen Twitter bots for less than the cost of a castle in England, "the most haunted house in America" in New Orleans, or a dinosaur skull, all of which Cage has actually bought (spending habits which would fit in quite well in the federal government).
He'd probably run as a Democrat, since they're the ones with an open primary and I assume that any actor leans left until proven otherwise. The most entertaining scenario would be for Cage to consider running as a Democrat but threaten to go third-party if he doesn't get his way, like Donald Trump with the GOP in 2015, but the idea of a primary challenge to Trump is growing on me. If John Kasich runs, the combination of Cage's facial expressions and Kasich's fruit ninja abilities could prove formidable.
It's time, America. It's time to turn to a man who is not at all qualified to be President, but eminently qualified to be the subject of presidential speculation. It's time to go from draining the swamp to stealing the Declaration of Independence. It's time to Make America Cagey Again.
*Admittedly, the year 2019 hasn't happened yet, but I'm assuming that it will be even more 2018-like than 2018, which seems pretty safe.
No comments:
Post a Comment