Sunday, March 1, 2015

Scott Walker in the Danger Zone

Scott Walker, the illustrious governor of Wisconsin, has risen to national prominence in recent years based on a simple four-step process:

1. Scott Walker aggravates unions.
2. Unions throw a conniption fit.
3. The electorate of Wisconsin shrugs its collective shoulders, and conservatives fall in love with Gov. Walker.
4. Repeat steps 1-3 as needed.

This is now highly relevant to those of us who live outside Wisconsin because for the love of all that is good and decent why are we thinking about the 2016 Presidential election ALREADY?!?!?!

Gov. Walker's resume has one rather glaring omission, though.  Wisconsin has not been invaded by any of its neighbors recently (somewhat surprising, considering that its neighbors include Detroit and Chicago), so Walker does not have a lot of foreign policy experience.  So, when he was asked what qualified him to take on ISIS this week, he had to cite dealing with 100,000 union protestors back in 2011, which led to accusations that he was comparing his political opponents to the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, a jihadist group known for beheading its way across the Middle East.

I don't think that's what he meant, though.  He actually meant to compare his political opponents to the International Secret Intelligence Service, known for employing the greatest spy in the history of the world, Sterling Archer...

(If you're unfamiliar with Archer, think of a parody of James Bond, with the sexual innuendo turned up to eleven (which is kind of the first logical step in parodying James Bond).)

...and if you compare the rhetoric of Wisconsin union protestors to the rhetoric of the other ISIS, the results are uncanny.

 (When every union in the state of Wisconsin sues me, this will be exhibit A that this is a parody.  Does anyone really believe Michael Moore would ever stop at six gummy bears?)

(I don't think plumbers and steamfitters in Wisconsin really have lemurs and pudding cups, but if they do, I'm immediately moving to Wisconsin and becoming a plumber and/or steamfitter)

 (Look, when I first saw this picture, the shadow of the guy's chin looked like an extension of the red shirt.  Besides, you can't have an Archer quote collection without mentioning the tactleneck.)
(Props to Mr. Monopoly on the right for channeling the precise facial expression I would have if some rich guy next to me mentioned putting whipped cream over everything.)
(Come to think of it, that's also the precise facial expression I would have if some middle-class or poor guy next to me mentioned putting whipped cream over everything.)

(I think she is referring to the prostitute, but it's even funnier if you imagine it referring to the lemur.)

(Technically, the last one was in Michigan.)

Photo sources, in order of appearance:, Fox News, Anne Althouse, The Washington Post, CNN, Christian Science Monitor, New York magazine, Fox News, Noah Willman, UPI, Bloomberg, Huffington Post,, WAOW, Los Angeles TimesThe Guardian, The Washington Times, USA Today, The Daily Mail, The Guardian, Mike Pellegrini, NPR, New York Times, Daily Caller.


  1. "First!" To wear out an Ace meme.

    Good luck with the new blog.

    Nice captions too.

  2. Funny! Best wishes on your blognaugural.